Thought of the day on relationships

“Fight” with anger, frustration, or criticism, and “flight” with sadness or withdrawal, are often very instinctive when we feel disconnected, unloved or uncared for. This often makes things worse but a very human thing to do. There is another way. 

Consider to reconnect when disconnected.

Check out our post on How to connect again in your relationships. 

Thinking glass half empty or half full: Which mindset is better?

So which mindset is better?

Some of us have been lead to believe that the 1/2 full mindset is always more helpful.  But is that true?

Well, this is my take on it.

When you are in a situation where you can fix things, or can prevent something from happening without too much effort, then it is best to adopt the 1/2 empty mindset.  People who are more anxious are more geared to think in this way.  It is good because with this mindset,  we are geared to think about possible problems and hence, will be geared to think about contingency plans to fix or prevent a possible problem from arising.

However, if the situation is very difficult, and that we are NOT able to fix or prevent it from happening, then it may be best to adopt the 1/2 full mindset.  It will help us to see the positive to side to it and help us move in a more helpful direction.  Another situation where the glass 1/2 full mindset maybe more useful is where we want to be more innovative, try new things and take more risks.

Hence, the usefulness of the glass 1/2 empty or 1/2 full mindset will depend on a given situation.  The trick is to have enough mindfulness or awareness to know when to use which one.

Thought of the day on Self Esteem. Have self compassion.

It has always concerned me about how many people in our community, who are self critical.  This leads to poorer self esteem, and when coupled with anxiety, leads to fear of failure.  This then leads to procrastination and inaction, which then leads to poorer self esteem and self criticism. This is a vicious cycle.

Stop being your inner tyrant... Be kind to yourself.  Cultivate self compassion.  You do not need anyone's permission to foster this from today!

The Power of Choice

Sometimes, it is important to remind ourselves that we always have the power of choice.

• We have a choice to see something as half full rather than half empty. 
• To see that our children are determined rather than stubborn.  
• To accept that in order for us to be visionary, we have to also be a little bit unrealistic.  
• To see that someone is trying to ground us, rather than taking our dreams away.
• We have a choice to cultivate gratitude rather than blame.
• We have a choice to fix it or let it go.
• We have a choice to stay or go.

We always have a choice.  It's more empowering this way perhaps...

"To Change"...Not so easy!

Let's face it, the reality is that it is very difficult for people to change.

Generally speaking, people are more likely to change when there is enough pain or suffering to motivate, and facilitate that change.

The trick in life is to sometimes, change before that pain.

Thought of the day..."Everything I have in life is on lease"

One of the best thing about my job as a Doctor, is that I get the privilege to learn so much from my patients.

I would like to share with you one of those stories.....

One of my patients introduced me to this concept of, "We have our children on lease".  She said that we cannot own or control our children forever.  Our children is "on lease" for us until they become fully independent.  Even with everything else we own, what happens to it when we pass.

So, I have taken this concept a little further by suggesting that "Everything we have in life is on lease".

Why can this be a helpful way of thinking? 

Well, if we have been conditioned to believe that we own something, then when it is gone, we will have a deeper sense of loss.  If it is on lease, then the sense of loss will be less and more importantly, the fear of loss will be less.

Just food for thought.....

Thought of the Day on "Thinking versus Feeling"

Many may not be aware that how they think maybe in conflict with how they feel.  I would like to introduce you to the concept that how you think, can be very different to how you feel.

For example, you might think or know that you are good enough, but somehow, you may still feel that you are not.  You know think and know what it is the right thing to do, but somehow, do not feel comfortable with doing that.

This can create a lot of inner conflict.  Understanding it, be aware of it, and being able to process it,  may help one to resolve this inner conflict.

Stop, think, before we do!

There is an old chinese saying..."Believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see".

It reminds us all that our past conditioning and belief system can really change the way we view the world, and our so called reality. A deeper understanding of this may help us to stop, think, before we react to the perceived reality and the drama around us.

So a useful tool is to stop, think, before we do!

This teaches us to some extent, to become more mindful.

Life is a Journey, Not a Destination

Life is a Journey, Not a Destination is a well known quote that most of us know, but are unable to practice consistently.

We are living in such a goal orientated society that we do forget to smell the roses.

Try to be in the moment whenever you do something.  Put yourself in the "flow" of it all.  Some sport people describe this as being in the "zone".  Remember that if you focus on the journey ie the present moment through your five senses, it does not mean that you cannot focus on the destination as well.  All it means is that the main focus is still on the journey.  Most of us can relate to this to some extent, so I know that most of us have the ability to cultivate this mindset.  This is in essence one of the concept of "mindfulness".

Try it out.....

Helpful Thought for the Day on Growth

Growth is more important than Absolute Achievement.

What do I mean by this?

We are living in such a goal orientated society and thus, have been conditioned to believe that if we do not achieve to a certain standard, then we are not good enough.

A healthier and more helpful way of thinking is to thrive for growth rather than absolute achievement.

Consider the following:

Imagine that you have 2 children or 2 employees.  One is 90% perfect but think he is better than everyone, and do not learn and grow from his mistakes.  Whereas the other one is 1% perfect, but is willing to learn from his mistakes and grow from it.  Who do you prefer to have?  Who will triumph in the end?

Thought of the Day on Behaviour Change

You cannot change behaviour effectively by just changing behaviour.  Often, you have to change the belief or beliefs, that lead to that behaviour.

Thought of the Day on criticism

No one really likes criticisms especially the non constructive ones.  When someone criticize us, we naturally want to avoid or defend.  This may not result in a good outcome.

But what if we change the way we respond to a negative feedback.  Consider saying, "Thank you for the feedback."  It might be very liberating!

We sometimes don't need to run or defend.  We just accept through acknowledgement.  Try it next time and share your experience here.