Shame is the granddaddy of all uncomfortable feelings

The emotion of shame (I am bad/not good enough) is the granddaddy of all uncomfortable feelings. 

The unhelpful feeling of shame amongst the patients we see is very common, but nobody really presents to us with....

“Hi Doc. I have unhelpful feelings of shame.”

Often the presenting complaint are, “I am stressed out, burnt out, anxious, frustrated or I am angry all the time”. 

Folks with the primary emotion of shame, invariably have associated sense of disconnection leading to fear/anxiety, leading to the fight/flight/freeze responses OR distractions like emotional eating and drinking, which then create more shame/disconnection. 

First thing is to step back and see that at the primary level, and create a safe and compassionate space to talk about that in order to defuse or “zoom out” from that. Not easy because shame IS a really “yukky” feeling!

So how else can your Doctor or Mental Health Professional help you?

1. Provides you with supportive counseling and unconditional positive regard.
2. Provides compassionate reflection.
3. Helps you to cultivate self compassion.
4. Helps you to improve your emotional literacy and self awareness.
5. Helps you with psychological flexibility skills like mindfulness, acceptance, defusion and “unhooking” from thoughts associated with shame.
6. Encourage you to take more value based actions.
7. And ultimately, breaking the cycle above!

Stop, think, before we do!

There is an old chinese saying..."Believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see".

It reminds us all that our past conditioning and belief system can really change the way we view the world, and our so called reality. A deeper understanding of this may help us to stop, think, before we react to the perceived reality and the drama around us.

So a useful tool is to stop, think, before we do!

This teaches us to some extent, to become more mindful.

Borderline Personality Disorder....my take on this.

In life, everything has its good and its bad.  Just like a piece of steel, it is strong and rigid but inherently, it is not flexible. 

I tend not to use the term Borderline Personality in my practice but rather, I use the term "extreme" emotional personality. 

If you have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, have you noticed that everything you feel, it tends to be quite intense?  You tend to follow your heart rather than your head.  In essence, one of your life lessons is to following your heart, but to take your head with you!

In my opinion, people with the "extreme" emotional personality have great potential to be compassionate, empathetic, nurturing, and caring.  However, if you are not mindful enough, then your emotional personality will attract a lot of drama to your life.

This drama can then lead to a lot of anxiety and depression if it allows to go unchecked.

Read up on mindfulness, DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy).

The Emotional Personality and How This Can Create Stress and Anxiety

Sometimes, I refer to the term "emotional personality" as the opposite end of the spectrum to the "emotionally detached personality".  With the emotional personality, your actions are mainly dictated by your feelings whereas, for the "emotionally more detached", actions are more logically or thinking based.

In life, every strength has an intrinsic weakness.  So if one have an "emotional personality", one may have great potential to be warm, caring, nurturing, and empathetic.  But on the flip side, one may also have more potential to attract drama into one's life.  If one is more logical or thinking based, then one may have great potential to be rational but at the price of being a bit "cold" or insensitive perhaps.

It is like fire.  One can use it for the greater good, or one can use it for bad.  Being aware of this, may allow one to understand oneself, accept oneself, and find more balance perhaps.