Thought of the day on Self Esteem. Have self compassion.

It has always concerned me about how many people in our community, who are self critical.  This leads to poorer self esteem, and when coupled with anxiety, leads to fear of failure.  This then leads to procrastination and inaction, which then leads to poorer self esteem and self criticism. This is a vicious cycle.

Stop being your inner tyrant... Be kind to yourself.  Cultivate self compassion.  You do not need anyone's permission to foster this from today!

The Power of Choice

Sometimes, it is important to remind ourselves that we always have the power of choice.

• We have a choice to see something as half full rather than half empty. 
• To see that our children are determined rather than stubborn.  
• To accept that in order for us to be visionary, we have to also be a little bit unrealistic.  
• To see that someone is trying to ground us, rather than taking our dreams away.
• We have a choice to cultivate gratitude rather than blame.
• We have a choice to fix it or let it go.
• We have a choice to stay or go.

We always have a choice.  It's more empowering this way perhaps...

A black or white thinking style.....Helpful or not helpful?

If you have a "black or white" thinking style, things are either right or wrong, true or false, good or bad, and there are no greys.  This may create friction or frustration in your life especially in a world of shades of grey. Of course, this style of thinking can be very good, particularly when we are in complete control of our environment. However, this may not be the case for many.

Remember what was "true" in the past, may not be "true" anymore.  For example, the masses believed that the world was flat.  It is not anymore.  So what is believed as "true" today, may not be "true" tomorrow.

Being aware of this, will at least help us to open our minds to more possibilities, and importantly, more flexible in our way of thinking to allow us to have more psychological flexibility.  This will assist us to be more adaptable.

So what is an alternative to "black or white" thinking?

Asking whether something is helpful or not, is sometimes more useful than thinking whether something is true or false, or right or wrong.

"Should You Make New Year’s Resolutions", written by our Guest Psychologist Dr Julia Becker Waco Texas

There’s something about the new year that fills us with hope and a sense of possibility.  This new beginning inspires many people to make New Year’s resolutions.  Often these resolutions are changes that people have thought of throughout the year, and even changes they have tried to make in the past.

Many people make the same resolutions each year, and they fail to keep these resolutions year after year. One reason people don’t keep their resolutions is because they get discouraged.  People who experience repeated failures can develop a sense of helplessness and doubt in their ability to succeed.  They may start to interpret setbacks as failures, rather than as obstacles to overcome.

Tips to making (and keeping) your New Year’s resolutions:

1. Think about what you can realistically accomplish. Making changes will take both time and effort.  Consider your other responsibilities, available time, and energy level as you make your resolutions.

2. Think in terms of behaviors, not just end results. If your goal is to lose weight, the end result is your goal weight.  The behaviors related to this goal may be the decision to exercise three times a week, eating out once a week or less, and planning healthy meals each week.  

3. Set smaller goals and monitor your progress.  Breaking the task into smaller steps will help you stay motivated, help you feel less overwhelmed, and give you a sense of accomplishment as you complete each step.  For example, if your goal is to write a book by the end of the year, give your self deadlines for chapters or for number of pages to complete.

4. Predict potential challenges, and decide in advance how you will deal with them.  Making major changes is a difficult task, and you will face setbacks along the way.  Setbacks will be easier to overcome if you have already planned how you will deal with them. 

5. Decide who you will rely on to help you meet your goal.  This may be a supportive friend, a personal trainer, mentor, or teacher.  Having social support, accountability, and professional expertise can mean the difference between success and failure.

6. Consider getting assistance from a professional counselor.  For many people, self-doubt and fear of failure are major roadblocks to success.  A counselor can help people overcome these feelings in order to reach their goals. 


Dr Julia Becker
Licensed Psychologist Waco Texas USA
http://www.psybecker.com/
http://www.beckerpsychology.blogspot.com/

Relaxation through mindful practices

People often say to me, "I try to relax all the time and it doesn't work".

The irony is, the key to relaxation is "NOT to try"....

It is more about being present.  Anchoring oneself to the present moment with the 5 senses will help with this. When one is anchored in the present moment through the 5 senses, one is outside "our inner head experiences".  It is often referred to as mindful practice.  This can be quite relaxing.  When one is inside "our inner head experiences", it can be quite stressful, as the focus is often past or future orientated.

Cultivate mindful practices.  It's healthy for you!

Beliefs that we hold as parents

As parents, we often inadvertently expect a lot from our children, and this is quite "normal".

Whenever we are very stressed about parenting, it might be useful to reflect on our beliefs about parenting that makes us react in that way. By being aware of our beliefs, we might then be able reassess, and see if our beliefs are helpful or not.

Some of the beliefs about parenting which I often see are:

• My children should listen to me at all times.
• My children should do what they are told at all times.
• My children should follow the rules all the time.
• My children should behave at all times.
• My children should respect me at all times.
• My child's behaviour is a reflection of how good I am as a parent

These beliefs may not be so realistic, and create a lot of tension for us as parents.  By being aware of these beliefs, one is able to find more realistic alternative beliefs or ways of thinking.

"What are the types of Anxiety Disorders in childhood" written by our Guest Psychologist Dr Nicole Arthur Jindalee Brisbane

Types of Anxiety Disorders in Children 

Whilst most Anxiety Disorders are generally presented across the lifespan, one exception occurs. Separation Anxiety Disorder is an anxiety disorder that is only diagnosed in childhood. 

Anxiety Disorder Specific to Childhood

Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD)

Children with SAD experience recurrent and excessive fear regarding their separation from home or their loved ones. The fear involves dangers that may occur to these individuals or to the children themselves. This leads to their reluctance or refusal to be separated from their loved ones, to be alone, or to be away from home. Separation anxiety may also present in the form of nightmares or complains of physical symptoms when separation occurs or is pending.