Raising glass half-full kids written by our Guest Parenting Educator and Author Michael Grose Australia

I did some interesting research about ten years ago and I think the results would still stand up.

I looked at over 200 children who were chosen for student leadership positions in schools to work out why they were chosen. They had a predictable number of characteristics and qualities in common including: competence, trustworthiness, the ability to make and maintain friendships, and a number of other pro-social skills.

Interestingly, one characteristic most young leaders shared was the notion of positive tracking. That is, they looked for the bright side of life and the good in others far more than they looked for the negative.

Positive tracking is wonderful life skill that children can attain.

Positive trackers have their antennae tuned in and constantly looking for:

• Things that go well for them
• Strong points about their own and other people’s character
• The good in even negative situations
• Other people’s successes
• Have the ability to reframe a negative into a positive

Not unsurprisingly, positive trackers are popular as they make others feel good. They are also more confident and appear more confident to others.

Martin Seligman, through his ground breaking work on optimism and pessimism, found that while some children were genetically predisposed to optimism and positive thinking the vast majority simply echoed their parents’ thinking styles. To be exact, Seligman found that boys and girls copied their mother’s positive or negative tracking styles

Why mothers? Children spend more time around them than they do around fathers is Seligman’s thinking.

Seligman’s research is brilliant news for parents. It shows that we can influence our children’s thinking styles and help them develop positive thinking habits. Anyone with a very positive or very negative mother can attest to the powerful affects that such thinking had on them. The affects can last a lifetime.

That’s why it is important for parents to learn the skills of positive tracking and optimism and apply them judiciously to their parenting, particularly in children’s early years.

There are four ways parents can influence children’s tracking styles:

1. Modelling: Quite simply children reflect what they hear and parents present a style of thinking about the world that children copy. Either the world is full of hope or helplessness. It’s a no-brainer for parents.

2. Reframing: Teach children to reframe negative events more positively. If things are rotten then look at the world through a different frame. Is it a problem or a challenge? Do kids make errors or do they produce more opportunities to learn? Get the picture.

3. Tune their antennae in to the positive: Get their antennae tuned into the good stuff. Acknowledge loss, fear and rejection then help them tune their antennae for the good things that may come their way.

4. Introduce kids to self-talk: As kids move toward adolescence discuss the notion of self-talk and how kids can change it if they want to. Try it yourself. It's powerful.

Positivity is a quality that is highly attractive. It is a magnetic quality that attracts good fortune, people and even achievement. It is also something that can be taught as well as caught.

Michael Grose
Parenting Educator
http://www.parentingideas.com.au/

"Anniversary Effect" written by our Guest Psychologist Author of "Living with Depression" Dr Deborah Serani New York USA

"Anniversary Effect", sometimes called Anniversary Reaction, is defined as a unique set of unsettling feelings, thoughts or memories that occur on the anniversary of a significant experience.

Sometimes you can trace the reason why you're feeling sad, irritable or anxious. One look at the calendar and you connect the dots from your current emotional state to the traumatic event. For example, the birthday of someone who's no longer alive, the date of an accident, a natural disaster or a miscarriage, just to name a few.

Sometimes finding the Anniversary Effect isn't as easy to trace because the event doesn't have a time-specific relationship. It may be more of a seasonal experience. For example, Autumn reminds you of when your child left for college, or a hot humid day reminds you of the time you signed your divorce papers. Or for me, the sounds of Christmas music on the radio takes me back to the trauma of a botched robbery that nearly took my life.

Anniversary Reactions signal that you are still working on moving through the trauma of your experience. It is often a normal part of the grieving process.


What You Can Do

1. Make sure you take time to glance at a calendar each month - and explore dates and memories attached to such dates. This framework can help prepare you for the possibility of an Anniversary Reaction.

2. The anniversary date is not the only day that you might feel out of sorts. Remind yourself that days or weeks leading up to an anniversary date - and even ones after, may be tough ones for you.

3. Anniversaries of public trauma, crises or disasters receive significant media coverage. Often, media outlets revisit distressing imagery. Limit your watching of TV, reading of newspapers and visiting Internet news sites around those dates.

4. Express your memories and feelings when an Anniversary Effect happens. You can do this by talking with a family member or friend, journaling, blogging or finding creative ways to express your inner experiences.

5. Make sure you take good care of yourself during these times. Self-care, support and comfort will help ground you as you move through trauma.

6. If you find that you're struggling with your trauma, remember that you're not alone. Loss affects each of us differently, so don't put a time limit on your grief. If you feel overwhelmed or cannot navigate successfully through your Anniversary Reaction, consider seeking the counsel of a trauma specialist.


Dr Deborah Serani, Psy.D.
Psychologist
12 Ivy Hill Drive
Smithtown, NY 11787 USA
1.631.366.4674
http://www.deborahserani.com/
http://www.drdeborahserani.blogspot.com/
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/two-takes-depression

"Would Group Therapy work for me?" written by our Guest Psychologist Neli Martin North Brisbane

Often when we have a sense that our lives are not working in some way; our mood is flat, depressed, we feel there is no point or we feel anxious and strung out just about everything, the last thing on our mind is sharing all this inner turmoil with others.

“I don’t want to be a burden,”

“People wouldn’t listen,”

“What would they think?”

These become paramount thoughts urging us to clam up and keep all this inside while trying to put on a happy face to the world, hoping it will all just go away and get better on its own.

Research would indicate that this is not actually a good strategy for our long term health, wellbeing and vitality. The old adage, “a problem shared is a problem halved” seems to be true.

In the supportive environment of group psychology strategies sessions, people who come to my groups begin to open up and reveal vulnerabilities in their lives with pleasant surprises. It seems that we are all carrying the same secret. That one of judgement and self-criticism. It may be individually specific in terms of content (i.e. what this is), but is generic in terms of the fact that we all have it to a greater or lesser extent. And certainly for some it doesn’t create big problems in their lives, but for others it’s like living with an inner tyrant.

It seems that many of us yearn for connection with others in an authentic way. See Brene Brown talking on this http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

When we reveal our deeper fears in a safe way, we can relax, focus on what is important in our lives and get moving in that direction.

The group allows the opportunity to learn some skills in being mindful of our inner processes of thoughts and feelings, so they have less impact and influence in our lives. These are the skills of psychological flexibility which is the aim of ACT; Acceptance and Commitment Training. See www.contextualpsychology.org

For more information on Group Focussed Psychological Strategies (ACTing with Mindfulness), visit my website www.mindfulness-practice.com

NeLi (Janelle Louise) Martin

Psychologist. Yoga and Meditation Teacher         

APS Buddhism & Psychology Interest Group (BPIG) Qld Co-ordinator

ACT Interest Group Co-ordinator Brisbane

WILSTON Qld 4051 Australia    

www.mindfulness-practice.com 

"My child was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome....Now What?" written by our Guest Psychologist Dr Julia Becker Waco Texas USA

Parents want the best for their children. When a child is born, mom and dad imagine a future, make plans, and talk about all the wonderful adventures they will have with their child.

Rarely does this imagined future contain serious illnesses, learning disabilities, and major struggles. When a child is diagnosed with a mental or physical disability, parents are left trying to understand what this means for their child’s future and how they will cope with the difficulties. It is then that parents have to revise their plans for the child’s future and accept that the future may look different that they had planned.

Asperger’s Syndrome is a neurological condition that affects both children and adults. Common symptoms include difficulty with social functioning and communication, difficulty with emotional regulation and executive functioning, difficulty adapting to changes in routine, and obsessive interest in certain subjects. People with Asperger’s do not easily pick up on social signals and have a difficult time understanding things within a social context. As a result of these difficulties, they are often described as socially awkward.

Asperger’s is often diagnosed during childhood. There are several things parents should consider after their child is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome:

• Individual counseling is often recommended for children with Asperger’s. Children may struggle with feelings of isolation and social anxiety. They may also experience high stress levels because they have to work harder than their peers to understand communication and social issues.
• Many psychologists also refer their Asperger’s patients to social skills groups. Typically these groups consist of about 5-10 children close to the same age who have Asperger’s syndrome. Children receive social support by talking about their difficulties, and the group is also a place for children to practice social skills.
• Parents can help buffer children’s stress by showing unconditional acceptance of the child. This acceptance is important when the child is teased or rejected by peers, or when the child says or does something socially inappropriate that embarrasses their parents. Instead of receiving sharp criticism, these children will benefit from gentle explanations of why the behavior was inappropriate, followed by a discussion of more appropriate alternative behaviors.
• Because children with Asperger’s rely heavily on routines and predictability, they may have difficulty adapting to life changes. Such changes may include divorce, relocation, changing schools, and going away to college. Parents can help prepare their children for such changes by asking direct questions about their children’s concerns. Questions may include: “What are your biggest concerns or fears about this change?” “What do you hope things will be like after this change?” “How can I make this change easier for you?”
• Finally, parents can consider seeking their own social support. Look for support groups for parents of children with Asperger’s or other disabilities. If there are no groups available, consider starting one yourself using meetup.com or another site. Parents may also benefit from individual counseling to learn to cope with feelings of sadness, anxiety, stress, and frustration that may come up.

Dr Julia Becker
Licensed Psychologist Waco Texas USA
http://www.psybecker.com/
http://www.beckerpsychology.blogspot.com/

10 ways to find happiness by doing something..written by our Guest Psychologist Prof. Timothy Sharp @ The Happiness Institute Sydney Australia

If your mum told you "it's the thought that counts" she was only half right; because actions speak louder than words!

Thoughts and intentions are, without a doubt, important, but so too are actions. In fact more often than not when it comes to happiness, those who're happier tend to be more likely to be "do-ers". Obviously, happy people think about things but that's not all they do; they then translate those thoughts into positive and constructive actions which then...brings about happiness by increasing their chances of living a good life.

So today, it's my pleasure to bring you "10 Ways to Find Happiness by doing Something":

1. Do something, anything...action is more likely to boost mood than inaction
2. Break what you want to do down into small, achievable chunks; so when you do something just do it it in bite sized bits
3. Work towards a meaningful goal; achievement is a powerful source of happiness and wellbeing
4. Engage in some form of purposeful action, something that will create meaning for you and/or for others
5. Do some exercise or any form of healthy activity
6. Meditate or relax (you can do something without necessarily moving!) 
7. Practice a random act of kindness; do something good to or for someone else
8. Practice a talent or skill to build mastery and confidence; there's nothing like getting better at something to bring about positive emotions
9. Play and have fun
10. If in doubt, call a friend and ask for some suggestions!

So there it is, 10 ways to find happiness by doing something. So off you go...do something now!

Prof. Timothy Sharp
Executive Coach & Consultant, Facilitator and Speaker
http://www.thehappinessinstitute.com.au/

Depression in Children and Adolescents written by our Guest Psychologist Dr Nicole Arthur Jindalee Brisbane

Childhood and adolescence are not stress-free. There are many occasions when children and adolescents will experience difficulties in their lives. These times may lead them to feel sad, stressed, irritable, or particularly sensitive. However, when such responses to life experiences become persistent and interfere with normal daily activities and function for at least 2 weeks, further assessment for Child and Adolescent Depression should be considered.

Child and Adolescent Depression
Similar to depression in adulthood, Child and Adolescent Depression leads to a host of aversive outcomes: marked psychological, physical, thinking, and behavioural symptoms. The presentation of these symptoms might differ from those experienced by adults, due to each child’s developmental level as outlined below:

Psychological symptoms:

            Low flattened mood (e.g., feeling sad or empty) (presented more as stress, irritability, hypersensitivity, or anxiety in younger children), loss of interests in previously engaging enjoyed activities (e.g., no longer playing sports or going out with friends); lack of motivation, feeling of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt, orientation toward negativity (e.g., becoming preoccupied with music with negative lyrics); persistent boredom or hopelessness

Physical symptoms:

            Lack of energy, sleep or appetite disturbance (e.g., sleeping or eating too much or too little; more likely in adolescents), changes in behaviour (e.g., inability to stay still, drastic increase or decrease of speech rate or body movement), feeling sick or having aches and pains (more likely in younger children)

Thinking symptoms:

            Reduced concentration, compromised memory, indecisiveness, suicidal thoughts (more likely in adolescents)

Behavioural symptoms:

            Withdrawal, insolating oneself from others, lack of engagement in previously worthwhile activities, suicidal action/attempts (more likely in adolescents)

Possible Associated Symptoms

Anxiety or worries

Behavioural problems

Strange or obsessive thoughts

Conflicts in interpersonal relationship

Poor school performance

Substance use

Prevalence

The prevalence of depression is relatively low in children and adolescents. It has been reported in 2% of children and 4-8% of adolescents. Females and males are similarly vulnerable to depression during their childhood but the vulnerability changes to 2:1 during adolescence, with females more likely to experience depression.

Causes of Child and Adolescent Depression

As with many mental health conditions, the exact cause of Child and Adolescent Depression is not fully understood. Different children develop depression for different reasons. It is unlikely that one factor can fully explain the cause of Child and Adolescent Depression and often a combinations of factors should be considered.

Biological factors

An imbalance of naturally occurring chemicals in the brain (i.e., particularly serotonin and noradrenalin) may be a factor for Child and Adolescent Depression. Additionally, depression seems to run in families, so it may be inherited. This is perhaps why some children are more vulnerable to depression. In addition, children with a more fragile temperament also seem to be more vulnerable to developing depression.

Psychological factors

Life experiences such as stressful or traumatic events may trigger depression in children with fragile temperament.

Also, depressive children tend to lack skills that help maintain their resilience in light of challenging life circumstances. These include problem-solving, assertiveness, and social skills. Additionally, they may have a tendency to view their circumstance in a less optimistic depressive-prone manner. Finally, other than hyper-sensitivity to threat and insufficiently optimistic worldview, children and adolescents with depression may not experience sufficient positivity in their environment (e.g., their withdrawal might reduce the opportunities that they can cultivate social relationship, establish social support, and/or involve in engaging activities).

Treatments for Child and Adolescent Depression

Medical intervention:      

Medical intervention for Child and Adolescent Depression is normally in the forms of antidepressants (e.g., fluoxetine- Prozac; sertraline- Zoloft, and Venlafaxine- Efexor) which act by adjusting and maintaining chemical balances in the brain. Although dependency on these medications is reportedly rare, their long-term benefits remain questionable. Some children may also experience, to a varying degree, common side effects of appetite loss, dry mouth, or nausea. Findings suggest that the benefits of antidepressant are best maximized when used in conjunction with psychological intervention.

Psychological intervention:   

Psychological intervention has been shown to be effective in helping children manage and reduce symptoms associated with Child and Adolescent Depression and reduce relapse rates. When the symptoms are relatively mild, psychological intervention might be sought as a stand-alone treatment. However, with severe symptoms, psychological intervention should be sought concurrently with or after the medical intervention.

Generally, psychological intervention targets the aspects of depression that are maintaining it or increasing the likelihood of its reoccurring. This support is mainly provided to the children. However, parents of children younger than 11 are generally involved so that they can help enhance the effect of the intervention at home.

            Psychological support for children and adolescents helps them to understand and effectively manage symptoms of depression. Behaviour strategies that help them to renew interests in engaging activities are generally introduced to enhance the positivity that they can obtain during their daily function. Relaxation strategies that target their physical symptoms (e.g., abdominal breathing, muscle relaxation) are provided to ameliorate the debilitating effects of depression. Most importantly, more realistic and more positive thinking styles are introduced as a replacement for the unhelpful depressive thinking styles. To enhance their resilience for future challenges, the children will be equipped with coping skills that help them to regulate their emotion, create and maintain social support, and resolve problems and conflicts effectively.

Treatment Outcomes

With proper management of medical and psychological support, child and adolescent depression is usually manageable, provided that sufficient duration of the treatments and proper follow-ups are regularly attained.

Dr Nicole Arthur

BHMS (Ed) B Arts (Psych)(Hons) D Psych Clin MAPS

Clinical Psychologist and Director

New Directions Psychology

Allsports Shopping Village

Suite 21/19 Kooringal Drive

JindaleeQ 4074

PH: 3376 1977 Fax: 3376 9973

www.newdirectionspsychology.com.au

Anxiety helps with Acute Coronary Syndrome recovery..Is this true?

I was reading on Australian Doctor today regarding an article titled, "Anxiety drives recovery".  It talks about a Sydney study that showed people with generalised anxiety disorder actually had a better 5-year outcome following a Acute Coronary Syndrome than people who did not have anxiety.

Why?
Does this even make sense?

I think anxiety or stress is neither good or bad.  You can use anxiety for good, or you can use it for bad.  In essence, it is a double edge sword.  Anxiety can be a very helpful motivator for people to make positive changes, but if you cannot control it, then it may backfire and manifest as an anxiety disorder.

A "healthy dose" of anxiety will probably help us to be more motivated to change our lifestyle, and implement preventative strategies.  However, if the anxiety is too overwhelming, it may create health problems.

Reference:
Australian Doctor p7 Aug2011
Psychiatry Research 2011;188:383-89

Accepting the Unacceptable..written by our Guest Psychologist Dr Julia Becker Waco Texas USA

Kate had been diagnosed with a serious health condition that changed the course of her life.  She was overcome with thoughts about the unfairness of the situation, the difficulties she would face, and her unknown future.  As she became depressed, friends and family said she needed to “accept” her condition.  Have you ever been told you needed to accept something that seemed so terrible that you wondered how anyone could accept it?  Or have you been told that you can’t “let things go,” whether this is criticism, negative feelings about yourself, or daily stressors that replay in your mind?  Part of being human is having the ability to think and plan.  Although this is a good thing, excessive negative thinking can lead to depression and prevent us from reaching for our goals and desires. 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a type of therapy that addresses these issues, with a focus on thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. One major goal of ACT is to help people remove the obstacles caused by problematic thoughts so that they may pursue goals they value.  For example, a man may avoid socializing because he tends to be “awkward” in social settings.  This feeling of awkwardness prevents him from developing meaningful friendships, which is something he greatly desires.  In another situation, a woman may have a great desire to exercise, but believes that others at the gym will be judging her negatively because she is overweight. 

ACT counselors do not try to directly change thoughts.  Instead, the goal of ACT is to change a person’s reaction to these thoughts in order to remove the barriers that the thoughts create.  In the case of the man who avoids socializing, the ACT therapist will not challenge his belief that he is socially awkward.  Instead, the therapist will work with him to accept his awkwardness and find ways of connecting with others despite this feeling of awkwardness.  In the case of the woman who is overweight, the ACT therapist will not challenge thoughts that others are viewing her negatively as a result of her weight.  Instead, the therapist will work with the patient to help her accept her weight, accept that others may sometimes judge her, and learn ways to overcome the obstacle of feeling judged.  The ACT therapist uses various treatment techniques  to accomplish these goals. 

A core part of ACT is mindfulness. Mindfulness refers to the process of being fully focused on the present moment, without thoughts and concerns about the past or future.  When a person learns to be mindful and practices mindfulness regularly, thoughts lose their ability to sculpt that person’s emotions.  Mindfulness is also used to help people cope with their painful internal experiences, including physical and emotional pain.  Mindfulness means simply experiencing the pain without judgment or negative thoughts.  For example, an ACT therapist will help someone with chronic pain be mindful of the sensations without allowing negative thoughts to dominate their mind.  Negative thoughts may include “This pain will never get better,” “I can’t handle this,” or “Something bad is going to happen to my body.”  Because research shows that emotions and thoughts increase the experience of physical pain, mindful acceptance is an important part of therapy with individuals who have chronic pain.  Similarly, mindful acceptance of emotions such as anxiety, sadness, and anger is also taught in ACT.  People with depression and anxiety often judge their emotions and criticize themselves harshly for having emotions, which only strengthens and maintains depression and anxiety.  The ACT therapist teaches patients to be mindful and accepting of the ebb and flow of emotions.  ACT has shown effectiveness in helping people cope with certain chronic illnesses as well as reducing depression and other mental health conditions.

Dr Julia Becker
Licensed Psychologist Waco Texas USA
http://www.psybecker.com/
http://www.beckerpsychology.blogspot.com/

Knowing yourself is about knowing your Core Values

A major part of counselling in my opinion is to help the person understand themselves better and to know their core values.

To appreciate this further, I usually use the analogy of an onion as a model.  We all have layers of values just like the layers in an onion.  Some layers are deep and are very hard to change, and we refer to this as core values.  Some layers are more superficial and easier to change, and I like to refer to this as surface values.  Sometimes, these values are in conflict with each other and hence, can lead to a lot of internal conflict and stress.  For example, if you have a core value, "Life should be fun", and also, "I need to be responsible", then you can see that at times, this will create some internal conflict.  By knowing what your core values are and what values are in conflict, it will give you a chance to either change it or prioritise which one is more important.

So, where do our core values come from?

Core values generally come from your genetic makeup, temperament, what has happened to you in the past, how you have been raised, your friends, your role models, your past traumas, your past successes, media and Hollywood perhaps.

Unhelpful core values are things like:

• I am not good enough
• Things has to be fair
• People cannot be trusted
• Life should be fun
• Things should be done perfectly or don't do it at all
• There is something wrong with me
• People will leave me in the end
• Things are either right or wrong
• If someone do something wrong, they need to be punished

More helpful core values are:

• I am good enough not because I am perfect.  In fact, I am NOT perfect.  I am good enough because I grow as a person.  I try to learn from my mistake and for me, growth is more important than absolute achievement.
• Out of something bad, there is always something good
• There is no such thing as failure.  It is just an outcome that I do not like and if I don't like it, I will do something different to get a different outcome.
• Life is a journey, not destination
• If other people can do it, I can do it too
• Sometimes, it is good to agree to disagree
• Some people can be trusted, some can be trusted with certain things, and some can't be trusted at all.  (This is as oppose to "No-one can be trusted")

Self understanding can often be the key to happiness, so take some time to know your core values.