Wednesday, March 17, 2021

In relationship conflicts, we help the fighter softens and the flighter to reengage

When couples are struggling in their relationship, there’s often the “fight or flight” response at play. It’s a relationship under stress. 

There’s usually the “fighter”, and the “flighter”.

Of course, sometimes we see two “fighters”, which can be quite dangerous and volatile. Sometimes we see two “flighters”, who may have essentially given up.

In couple counseling, through being more present, better understanding and emotional literacy, we try to help the “fighter” softens so that the “flighter” can reengage with less fear, and we try to help the “flighter” reengages so that the “fighter” do not misread the “flighter” as not caring, and softens.

This is done with safety in mind of course. Not easy, but definitely a worthwhile pursuit.

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