Thursday, May 17, 2012

Are you a "should or must" thinker?

So what is a "should or must" thinker?

If you have a tendency to think that things should be like this or things must be like that, then you might be a "should or must" thinker.

Of course, this can be very helpful in some situations, especially if you have control of the situation, or have good resources to make it happen.  However, if this is not the case, then it can become a great source of your disappointment and frustration.

Consider changing the "should" to a "It would be nice if"......

For example:

"Life should be fair!" change to "It would be nice if life is fair."

"People should be nice" change to "It would be nice if people are nice."

"People should not be argumentative" change to "It would be nice if people are not argumentative but it's actually okay to have a heated and passionate discussion.  It's not personal."

I want to emphasise that "should and must" thinking is not bad.  It is great when you have control of the situation, and are able to make substantial changes to your situation.  It is not great when you are not in power or don't have the resources to make those changes.  It will unearth a lot of frustration.  Changing your beliefs and thinking i.e. your internal locus of control, maybe the better option here.

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