Sunday, August 7, 2011

Working on the relationship with your child..."The Foundation"

I would like to recommend parents to look up a local parenting program like Positive Parenting Program (PPP) founded by Dr Matthew Sanders.

As part of the TripleP program, one of the foundation of parenting is to look at building that positive relationship with your child.  This can be thought as preventative strategies to prevent bad behaviours.

So let us list them out....

1 Spend frequent quality time with your children.  By quality time, we mean short 2-3mins and frequently where you are fully engaged and be present with your child.  Ideal quality time is not about going to the beach or a holiday once in a while.

2 Give them plenty of hugs and kisses.

3 Give them attention when they are good and not just when they are bad.

4 Use incidental teaching ie when they come up to you to show you something, stop what you are doing if possible, and be engaged with them.  Use this momentum to teach them other things associated with what they are showing you.  For example, if they come up to you and show you a toy, you can then ask them what colour, what shape, and other features for example.  This can form part of quality time.

5 Give your kids lots of descriptive praises eg You are such a good boy for cleaning up instead of just saying, that is good.

6 Reward them from time to time when they are doing something good.  Pitfall... Make sure you do not do too much of this as it might become an expectation.

7 Be a good role model for them and modelling the behaviours that you want to cultivate in your household.  For example, be mindful not to scream out, "Don't scream!"

8 Last but not least, look after yourself.  Being an effective parent requires you to be well, calm and in control.  If you are unwell, stressed and sleep deprived, then it can be very difficult to be a mindful parent as oppose to being a reactive parent.

The above is not new to most of you but the trick is to remind ourselves to do it more often.

For your local PPP provider, I have include the follow link for your convenience.  It is an international organization so you might find one near your side of the world.....TripleP

Under the TripleP program, they will "coach" you on how to manage misbehaviours through strategies like setting simple and fair house rules, appropriate use of reward systems like star charts, directed discussion, active ignoring, implementing logical consequences, and appropriate use of quiet time and time out.